From an inspirational daily email that I subscribe to, I wanted to share………..ENJOY!
Ever think a relationship problem could be the cause of a future illness?
Researchers say yes…
In 1967, two psychiatrists, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe, examined the medical records of more than 5,000 patients as a way to determine whether a “stress event” may cause future illness.
The results were later published and became known as the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, and while you may have not heard of it, your doctor likely has.
Doctors use it to calculate whether a stress event, or a combination of stress events, will push someone over the edge into an illness.
What’s most fascinating to me is that “marriage and relationships” is found three times in the top 10 categories of stress events!
Interesting right?
Several years ago, in my quest for self-improvement, I dove deep into understanding how to communicate, relate and ensure that I had a healthy marriage. After several decades of marriage, my wife and I have had our ups and downs.
Like all couples, we’ve had our fair share of arguments, and anytime it got bad, there would be days when I was “stressed”, and I will honestly admit it was usually my fault.☺
But nearly seven years ago, I learned one small tip that made the world of difference, not only in my marriage, but in all relationships…and it came from a man in the state of Washington.
Dr. John Gottman has spent more than 30 years studying marriages and, moreover, the predictability of divorce. And he came to a very interesting conclusion that helped me minimize future stress from my relationships.
Gottman developed the Love lab, an apartment where couples would allow researchers to record their interactions (every room except the bathroom and bedroom).
Dr. Gottman and his team spent three decades recording details of couples who fought, then watched to see how they recovered. And they found something interesting…
The Apology Rarely Mattered for MOST People
Turns out the predictor of successfully resolving conflict wasn’t tied to one or both people saying I’m sorry.
The real predictor of reconciliation was the ratio of positive-to-negative feelings and actions between partners during normal day-to-day living.
Dr. Gottman noted that successful couples—those who survive thick and thin—have a ratio of five positive events to every one negative event.
Simple, yet profound… right?
From that moment, I made it a point in all my relationships that, when allowed the opportunity, I would make it positive… and it changed everything for me.
It could be something little like a small compliment in the morning or showing appreciation for something my wife does every day to a much bigger celebration. However…
Every Positive Moment Counts
Now I’ve made it a point in my life, in every relationship, to be 10x more positive than negative, and it has saved me a lot of headaches, improved my relationships, reduced a lot of unnecessary stress and, in several cases, allowed many conflicts to be resolved quickly.
Now I want to hear from you…
How have you learned to resolve stress in your relationship?
